My body is written with scars

scars on my body stretch marks positivity

I don’t need to cover my stretch marks in glitter to celebrate them. They already tell me a story of a young girl growing up and becoming her own person. They remind me, that beautiful is imperfect. They remind me, that skin, is just skin.

This morning I woke up with a nice tan. Perfect, really. It’s almost as if I’ve been to a beach holiday for a week and managed to get the most even tan ever, without the dryness. And yes, obviously my color is from a self tanner. I’ve been trying out a new one that I really like.

But that’s not the point of this post – just a nice detail (I’ll tell you about the product at the end of this post).

I woke up with the tan and I realized that it made my stretch marks really stand out. A real tan does that as well, mind you. The skin on my scars is lighter, smoother and different and that makes them stand out especially when I tan.

I was reminded, that I’m actually full of those scars. And when I say full, I mean full. That might surprise you – even though I’m normal weight or skinny in some standards, and have never really been much bigger than this, I still have stretch marks.

And since it’s the bikini season and there are so many women and men being insecure about their bodies and imperfections, I wanted to talk a little about #scarpositivity.

body positivity

Stretch marks are just skin

I have stretch marks on my back, on my hips, on my butt, thighs, shins, arms and boobs. My body is full of them, especially the womenly parts. I got them when puberty hit me and I think one of the reasons I got so much of them was because puberty hit me hard. I grew up quick, literally. After anorexia and other eating disorders, suddenly my body went from very thin to normal. I’m pretty sure my eating disorder prevented me from growing up gradually (if that makes sense?) and when I finally started eating better, my body could change.

My post on eating disorders: Living with the monster

And then again, I think I’m just one of those people who get stretch marks easily. The scars on my back came when I was very young, before puberty. I remember my school doctor looking at my back and saying, that usually only boys get those linear scars. A comment that a young girl doesn’t necessarily want to hear, mind you.

But here I am. With my scars. And you know what? I don’t mind them. At all. (Okay okay, there are moments where the scars on my inner thighs slightly upset me.)

mental health

I’m not ashamed of them. I’m not appalled by them. I might actually feel a little empowered by them. I don’t need to cover my stretch marks in glitter to celebrate them. They already tell me a story of a young girl growing up and becoming her own person. They remind me, that beautiful is imperfect. They remind me, that skin, is just skin.

And yes – when they were bright red, in my teens, they were the most horrible thing in the world. They were red. They were visible, if I was wearing an open top. I was angry.  I was finally becoming a woman, but at what cost? I was a red-striped zebra – definitely not something I signed up for.

Stretch marks are just skin

But here I am and I’m okay. They turned out to be just skin (who would have guessed?). They got lighter. They became my skin. They are not visible, not really. Only if you know to look for them.

And I’m not sure why, but I feel calm and reassured now. The marks on my body, they didn’t matter. They didn’t prevent me from living my life.

So whatever is on my mind now, stressing me out or making me feel ugly – I’m pretty sure in ten years from now, it won’t matter. Or if it does, it’s only making me stronger.

I guess I just really wanted to say, that stretch marks and scars are normal. They are just skin. I have lots of them and I’m pretty sure if I ever got pregnant I would have a ton more. They could upset me for a while, after which I would accept them and move on.

Loving your own body and skin – now there’s a beautiful thing to remember and cherish.

minetan violet self tan 1 hour tan

minetan Super Dark Violet 1 Hour Express Tan review

I got gifted this product from lookfantastic. *adlink

The self-tanner I used was *minetan’s  1 hour express tan in the shade Super Dark Violet. I’m not sure if the color really matters (there are different options), because the active ingredient is your basic DHA. I really like this self tanner. It’s easy to apply with a mitt, it blends easily and dries quickly. That’s one of the benefits of a foam – they are the lightest option when it comes to skin feel. It gives a natural looking tan, that is not orange.  It lasts pretty well on my skin and wears off gradually, which is a good thing as well. I also used the *minetan mitt, which made the application process smooth. I really recommend using some mitt, that way you don’t have to worry about orange hands.

Pin this post

Acne update | The final results with Apocyclin

i cured my acne

Apparently I’m not done with the personal posts yet, so brace yourselves. Next up: acne update, me & my skin without any filters.

I’m a bit scared of publishing this post, because you never know what’s gonna happen next with skin problems such as acne. But I’m feeling pretty confident about this, so I’ll just blurt it out:

My acne is gone. It’s cured. It took 4 months of antibiotics, first two pills per day for three months and then the last month one pill per day. I did also change my diet a bit, I’ve avoided wheat and dairy products and now after taking the last pill, I’ve actually cut down those two completely (before I had some dairy products here or there, but mostly I was dairy free).

These photos show how my skin looks currently. I’m not wearing any makeup on my skin (just some on my brows, eyes and lips). I didn’t edit my skin at all, so you can see how it really looks.

Apocyclin acne

About antibiotics

It’s hard to estimate what will happen to my skin now after the treatment, but I would say the antibiotics did work. I had read a lot about them online and had people saying that they wouldn’t work, they would ruin my intestine and what not. I also had heard about good results, and as I told here, I was quite desperate (and hopeful) about medication. I’m happy I got through the whole 4 months and didn’t give up, say, on the first month, when my skin was looking worse.

The only bad side effect of antibiotics for me were stomach problems. Even though I was taking lactic acid bacteria, they weren’t much of a help. During the first months, I also had some nausea in the mornings, when I didn’t take enough water with the pill. So about the fact, that antibiotics ruin your gut: well, they’re not exactly good for you in that way.

I’m still experiencing stomach problems after quitting the antibiotics, but I’ve changed up my lactic acid pills to probiotics and I’m pretty sure my body just needs time to get balanced again.

acne progress from february to july antibiotics

Wow, I was pale. But also, wow – such difference in my skin! In the first picture I have active acne with painful bumps. Now? My skin is looking pretty fabulous, if you ask me.

acne antibiotics experience

About my skin

As I said, the actual acne is gone. I don’t have those big, painful bumps all over my face, back and decollete anymore. That said – my skin isn’t perfect! I have acne scarring (most of that redness on my chin is scarring), for starters. And I still have impurities and the occasional red pimple, but it’s just regular skin problems. My skin is also a bit uneven and I can feel small texture on it – that I usually get when my skin is dry or unbalanced. So the same thing goes with my skin: it needs time to balance itself.

I’m working on making my skincare routine as gentle as possible, but also effective. I have some new products, that I’m using as well as some old ones.
I’m still using products mentioned on this post, and here and I feel like they make a difference. But I’m working on a new post about moisturizers suitable for oily skin, with a longer list of products.

acne progress apocyclin

From February to May..acne cured

.. and now.

acne how I cured it

acne skin progress photo

Close up. I’m tanned, because I’m using Eco By Sonya’s tanners (post!).

About my confidence

It’s been a long road to self-acceptance. Acne has so much to do with your confidence and self-esteem, it’s crazy. It’s no wonder that it’s linked to depression even! I feel like during these months I’ve also worked with curing the way I think about my skin. I want to stay as positive as possible, and I never want my happiness to be dependant on my looks. It’s super hard to learn to know the true beauty that is inside you – and not depend on your appearance. But it’s something, that I’m learning and something, that I feel passionate about. You can’t think your acne away, but I might just lose some excess stress, when I accept myself as I am and don’t complain about my skin.

One of the people, that inspire me is Rachel Crawley , who is so inspirational and beautiful, inside out.

Here is a small text from Rachel’s instagram (@asprinkleofhealthandbeauty) – she really does lift people up:

“I know that acne does effect how we feel towards ourselves. We become our own worst enemy. Our mind brings us down because we feed it thoughts like ‘ I’m ugly’ ‘I look disgusting’ ‘how can I be seen with acne’ ‘how can anyone like looking at my face’. We stress. We hideaway. We try anything to get rid of the acne. Forgetting that the most important thing is how we treat ourself in the mean time. The opinions of others only show who they are as a person. It doesn’t change who you are. You can have acne and still live your life as normal if you tell yourself you can. This goes for anything. Instead of telling yourself you can’t, or it won’t get better or your not beautiful. Start tell yourself you can do anything, it will get better and you are beautiful.”

acne antibiotics and diet

About my diet

First, I want to say, that I’ve always eaten healthy and I’ve been a vegetarian since I was nine years old. I didn’t have any skin problems with the previous diet – my acne was hormonal.

But I had heard so much about dairy and wheat causing people acne, that I just had to take that into consideration. So I’ve avoided those two for the past four months and now I’m living completely without them. I also try to keep my sugar-intake in balance (it’s useless to avoid dairy and wheat if I’m still eating tons of candy, duh).  I’ve changed up some snacks and desserts to more healthier choices, such as berries and fruits.

roberts berries drinkable berries

I got these new roberts berries drinkable berries from the pr-company, and I’ve liked them as a quick healthy snack. They are milk free, gluten free and made from fresh berries. I love that they don’t contain added sugar and you can keep them in room temperatute (they actually infiltrate better in your body too that way)! If you have any go-to healthy snacks, let me know in the comments.

I’m still a bit unsure about the whole acne and diet thing – at least for me – so I won’t be rambling about that any longer. I may, may do a post about acne and diet, but I need to research more for that.

acne apocyclin

That’s wraps up this post! Hope this was helpful. For anyone wanting to read more, here are links to almost all my acne-related post:

About birth control pills and quitting them
I am not perfect

Skin update: How do I treat my acne?
Skin update: After Acnatac
When acne just doesn’t leave you
Apocyclin acne update 1
Apocyclin acne update 2
Apocyclin acne update 3

And also.. can you just celebrate this small win from acne with me?! I’m so happy.

Scroll to top