Things I want to do this Summer

Summer can be stressful, if you worry about making the best out of it and try to do as much as possible. I mean, I can’t be the only one already worrying about the warm nights disappearing soon. But what if this year you focused on actually relaxing and enjoying the littlest of things? I’m speaking to myself, of course. The queen of stress.

At first I thought about skipping the whole summer bucket listing thing, but then I decided to make a new version of it: the no-stress summer bucket list.

My no-stress Summer Bucket List

Try new ice cream flavors
I’m stuck on my favorite ones, but you got to make life exciting, right?

Make a mojito for a friend
BaRisto is already open and mojito tastes just as good as I remembered. I’m pretty sure I make the best mojito ever – thanks to having the best teacher (you’ll never guess who). Maybe I should share the recipe here?

Visit Porvoo at least once
This is actually a tradition with Risto. He took me on a date to Porvoo on our first summer together and ever since we’ve done day trips there regularly. It’s a lovely, beautiful little city with nice cafes and restaurants. And the best decoration store, where we always look at things, but never buy. If you’re visiting Helsinki during summer, and you have time, I urge you to to make a day trip to this beautiful city. This one I could actually already check out, since we went to Porvoo a while ago. But who knows – maybe we’ll go again!

– Run a half marathon
This might not sound stress-free to everyone, but I actually run pretty regularly. We also have a tradition with my sisters to run our own half marathon every summer (if we’re in the same country). So this year as well we’re running that 21 km, but we’re doing it casually. I’m not focused on getting it to a certain time. I just want to run and have fun!

Have a birthday party
It just so happens, that a five is creeping up in front of the two on my written age. I’m turning 25 soon and I figured I have to drink to that.

Have a holiday
I’m also planning on keeping a little holiday at the end of July. So it’s gonna be at least a week without my laptop and blogging. I spend so much time just sitting and working on my content, that a little break does me good. And no, you won’t really see the holiday here. I’ll have some posts scheduled.

Have a no-makeup day
Or two. Or a dozen. Freckles and beach hair it is.

– SUP AKA Stand Up Paddle
Supping is really fun! You get to enjoy the sea, the weather and get a nice little exercise at the same time. I did this last year and I definitely want to do it again.


Photos -Mia /Beauty Highlights

And that’s it! I definitely don’t feel stressed about this list. Just the opposite actually – I can’t wait for my holiday and all these weekends and nights I have to dedicate on enjoying life. We’re not doing any big trips this time, but we did plan a little getaway to Estonia. Tallinn is such a beautiful city and what’s best is that it’s so close.

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My outfit
White Shirt – Jennyfer (similar *here)
Light blue bralette – *Lindex (similar *here)
Joggers – Boss
Bag – *Michael Kors

Makeup details
*Mizon Snail Repair BB
*IsaDora Twist-Up Gloss Stick, Milk ‘N Chocolate
*Milani Bella Emerald Eyeshadow

What are some things on your Summer Bucket List?

The recovery

Today I cried. It was unexpected and sudden, but luckily I had a shoulder I could lean on. I needed that shoulder. I needed someone to hold me, to comfort me and someone to listen to me.

They say if you share a worry, it divides in two, therefore making the worry smaller. I don’t think that happened, but it was important nevertheless for me to say it out loud, to share it. Because what I know to be true, is that a worry in your head doubles, triples and quadruples. Every now and then I get lost in my head, in my worries and that is when my amazing other half usually says to me: “What is it? Tell me what is in your head.”

I have these walls, that need to be broken down. I do need to tell someone what is going on – what is in my head. I get these bursts of feelings and these messy thoughts and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the core of them, but I do know this:

Life is black and white. My life is full of black and white. I have had it rough. I have had these extremely depressing black moments, where all the joy is sucked out of me – for a moment. But then again I have all this white. I am so lucky and privileged for being able to be where I am and do what I do. I shouldn’t complain. I have it good. I have so many moments where all I feel is joy, where everything is possible. But it’s not about picking either one of these – it’s both.

And it’s not about reasoning either. Anxiety or depression doesn’t reason.

I guess I’m balancing somewhere, where you can’t balance. I’m having this negativity and anxiety and I’m screaming at myself: stop it! You’ve gone through this once. You’ve survived it already. You’ve survived it.

And I think that is where I stumble. You see, well, it’s not that simple.

You just have to take life as it comes.
Even those dark moments.

I still mean it when I say that you can do a full recovery (from depression). But that doesn’t mean you’ll never have those painful feelings again.

I felt very inspired after watching Yoga Maris’ Netflix documentary. In that film Maris, anorexia survivor, speaks about recovery. She says that life with mental illness will never be perfect, but it will be good.

And while I kind of agree, I still think my life is better now than it was. I don’t know what perfect is, so I don’t think I’m even trying to get there. A good life. That sounds perfect, to be honest. And maybe it is. Even with the black moments. Even though it feels so difficult at times. It’s difficult to have that black, to let it be.

They are just moments and feelings and they pass, but they know how to grab me. And suddenly I’m lost.

And I always wonder – where does it come from? Am I a depressed soul, that just gets these moments? Am I just melancholic? Is some form of depression and anxiety and sadness just programmed into my core? Do other people feel like this?

Anxiety – it doesn’t make sense. I guess that’s the recovery part. Learning how to deal with those dark lingering moments. Or how to suffer through them.

I guess what I’m really saying is that I don’t always know. I know just enough so that I speak up and acknowledge what is happening, but I don’t know what to do. I just cry ugly cry and hope it doesn’t the last the whole day, or week.

Saying it out loud is scarier than I thought. I feel a lump in my throat, even though I woke up to a white day. It’s hard to explain anxiety. I wish I could end this text with pure winning and some explosion of happiness. But that’s not what this text is all about. Because I’m still a work in progress. Perhaps will be for the rest of my life?

And that’s okay.

Photos – Mia / Beauty Highlights

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