I’m proud of myself.
There’s a sentence that’s pretty hard to say out loud or even to think about. I’d much rather heard someone else say it to me, to hear them being proud of me. Somehow hearing it from someone else is more believable than saying it yourself. And I don’t like that – because you need to be your biggest cheerleader.
And I’m not. Not always. It’s a little too easy for me to fall down and have doubts about everything.
Though to be honest – it doesn’t hurt to hear that from other people as well. I’ve never heard my father say anything uplifting about me or my accomplishments, but today my brother said that he’s proud of me. As someone who’s actually been in my life, that means the world.
And thinking of that, I have several occasions that come to mind, where someone dear to me has said it as well. It warms my heart. Love is such a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Somehow it’s wandering into this text, though I didn’t know it had anything to do with this subject. But it kind of has a lot to do with everything, doesn’t it?
Today I felt encouraged and I wanted to write down some things that I’m really proud of. I wanted to write it down and say it – I’m proud of myself. I also ended up revealing things about myself, that I’m pretty sure you didn’t know about. Actually, it turned out to be a piece of my life story, but oh well, that happens.
Things I’m proud of
1. Graduating both high school and beauty school – and even choosing dual qualification in the first place
Today we’re celebrating Vappu in Finland, where it’s typical to wear your Finnish student/ graduation cap. I love that day and I feel proud of having that cap. I’m proud of myself, for knowing so well where I wanted to go and what I wanted to study. I had such good grades (another thing I’m proud of) I could have chosen just beauty school, but I also wanted to have a high school diploma, so I took dual qualification.
And here’s why having that qualification is so meaningful to me: that was the hardest time of my life. My life fell apart while I was in school. I was so depressed I barely made it to school some days. And then I took a sick leave, and another and another. I think all in all I was away from school for half a year, or something like that. It still sickens me, that some girls in my class were talking bad about me for ‘being sick all the time’, while I was literally fighting for my life. Then again I guess it was better this way, because I both got and had to finish school alone. That was also hard for me – attending classes without any friends, alone.
And failing school. Even in the hospital I wanted to attend to matriculation exams, because I was so used to over achieving in school. It was good to let go. I learned, that it wasn’t the end of the world. That I could reschedule and still graduate.
And I did. I graduated. And it felt so good. And I’m so proud of myself for that.
Photo Inka Lähteenaro
2. Having a good job – and then having the guts to leave it
I had a job right when I graduated and actually even before that. I was lucky to have a job in my profession, because it’s not that easy to get (especially with a good salary). I also got promoted in my second job (another beauty salon) pretty quickly. I had a salary I could only dream about – in my age and with my experience (though I had some, because of working while I was studying) that was the best I could get, really. For a while it was great, even though I had some doubts.
Gradually the environment in my workplace turned out to be not that great. I was super stressed and pretty often came crying from work. I spent Sundays in bed – literally – because I was so exhausted physically and mentally. It wasn’t what I wanted to do anymore.
It would have been smartest to look for a new job, get it, and only after that resign. Well, I did not do that, but it was not an easy decision.
And then one Tuesday, things just became too much at work and I literally walked away. I remember being so relieved, happy and excited about future that day on the bus.
I’m proud of getting that job, doing well on it, but then trusting my instincts and leaving.
3. Starting a blog and pursuing a career of it
After I quit my job I had some time to really think what I wanted to do. And the answer was pretty clear, it’s always been. I wanted to be a blogger. I’ve always loved writing and I feel like I have a lot to say and give.
Though I still have a lot to learn, I have already learned so much. My writing has improved – especially my English. I’ve learned not only to write good articles, but also how to SEO-optimize them. I’ve learned to take better photos. And slowly, I’ve learned to be proud of what I do. To say it out loud.
This is probably the hardest thing to actually be proud of, since it’s so easy to compare myself to others. There are so many amazing blogs out there, amazing writers, amazing photographers.
But there is only one Charlotta Eve blog. And since I’ve found people stealing my content more than once, I guess I’m doing pretty good. And the fact that Elledecor.com featured me and my blog post in their post, I know I’m going in the right direction.
I’m proud of my blog and all the hard work I put into it.
Photos – Mia / Beauty Highlights
And now – I’m challenging you to tell me something that you’re proud of. Come on, praise yourself. It’s refreshing. What is something that you’re proud of?