I don't break - Charlotta Eve

Right now life feels wonderful. I want to say balanced, but I think that’s an overstatement. Finding balance between everything is a never-ending journey, I think. You search for it, and then, maybe once you’ve found it, you start a new hobby or a new job that you need to fit into your life. Or maybe life happens and you have to juggle last week’s burden while having that week’s duties. And there you are, searching for it again.

But before life happens and Eva catches something from daycare, I want to be

in this
moment.

Because for a while now, I have felt rested when going to bed. Not actually needing to close my eyes the instant I get to lay there. Last night I caught myself staring at the reflection of our fireplace. The fire danced so peacefully, yet strong. I felt happy. Excited for the future, yet content in where I am.

The tired Charlotta from – say a month ago – would be happy to hear this:

I think I am exactly where I need to be. Where I’m supposed to be. Building the little blocks. Walking the stairs. Slowly going somewhere I’m not sure yet (is anyone?), but in the right direction. Studying feels fulfilling, even though it’s difficult at times. I don’t mind reading books about marketing before bed. I can do the projects. I have even learned quite a bit about chemistry already. Hey, I passed the math exam I dreaded beforehand! I’m challenging myself, and it doesn’t break me, even though I sometimes fear for it.

I. Don’t. Break.

Haven’t I showed that to myself so many times before? I’m keeping the ropes, I’m driving the car. Quite literally – it’s going so much better, by the way. Actually sometimes enjoying it.

Hope, inspiration, passion. That fire in my belly. It seems to run in my veins strongly again and I feel like the main character of my story, even though I’m not sure I was lost.

I like October. It’s getting dark, but there’s still so much light. It’s colorful now – and I don’t mind the winter that follows. There are some nice plans, some pre-Christmas parties. Hair that keeps on growing healthier and stronger. Trying a new hairdresser at the end of summer was a huge mistake, but I feel like I’ve actually reversed some damage with K18. Thanks to a school assignment, I’ve read this hair bible and I’m amazed I haven’t bought Olaplex or K18 before.

And hey – my new jacket feels like a warm hug. Remember when you couldn’t hug you loved ones when it was covid? It was wild. But who knew, that driving to see your friend and keeping five meters between you was still worth it over a phone call.

Anyway, I’m good. I feel like good things are happening. Christmas might be one of them. Or just a Thursday.

How are you?