#metoo

Me too.

 

Then again, who hasn’t? I remember reading brave women’s stories about awful things that have happened to them when the me too movement was at its strongest. I remember thinking that it’s good that they share. Altogether, it’s good to talk about this. About everything, really. We should all be a little bit more open about difficult things in life – maybe that way we would understand each other a little better.

Though I have to say, this is not gonna be one of those posts. I’m ready to say #metoo, but I won’t go into detail, reminisce about things that are in the past and only do me bad. Yes, somehow, I’m trying to turn this into positive.

Body image & being comfortable in my own body

A while back I had a photoshoot with my lovely friend Mia. She took photos of me and I ended up really liking them. I actually opened up about it straight away in my Instagram, but I knew it was a subject I needed to do a proper post about. On my Instagram I said, that I’m not used to tight clothes or showing cleavage, but on that particular day and photoshoot, I felt comfortable enough. Being comfortable in tight clothes or showing a bit of cleavage might not seem like a big deal, but it actually goes deeper than that.

Having to go through a tough time growing up as a woman has had an impact on my body image. I don’t always feel comfortable with my body. I have talked about my history with eating disorders before, but what I didn’t talk about, was how dressing up sometimes makes me feel. Or how it feels to get attention from men (and or women). If I’m wearing something tight or revealing, I feel like my body is more ‘out there’ and I get the feeling of discomfort. I have never wanted to be seen for my body or my looks. Too many times I have walked out the door only to be felt like a walking human (woman) body.

I should have all the rights

And funnily enough: the fancier I dress, the more looks I get. And that is still somewhat uncomfortable. It’s the most awful feeling in the world: putting on some fancy clothes, looking pretty and then thinking and knowing: I can’t wear this. What if I get too many looks? My body is showing too much! And these thoughts are crazy. After all – it is my body! It should have all the rights. I should have all the rights. It’s just me.

I remember being fourteen, wearing a black jumpsuit with heels and walking to the bus stop ready to meet my friends. I felt great. Free and beautiful. A car slowed down and some man whistled at me. Instant remorse. It is unfair, how someone can take away the pride and beauty of me just being me. How someone can make me feel as I was out there for him as an object.

I also remember one day, where I was wearing sneakers, that were like boots in a way that they covered my ankles as well. But they were sneakers (adidas) – flat and casual. Someone gave me dirty looks and whistled and said something about my sexy boots. I remember angrily yelling “these are sneakers!” and thinking to myself: I can’t even wear sneakers and walk home in peace without someone making me feel like I was seeking attention to myself.

It honestly makes me want to cry a little and these examples are not the worst.

Here’s a secret: Dressing up, I think about #metoo

Long story short: Dressing up gives me mixed feelings. I have fears as to how the world is gonna see me in the clothes I choose. I also have fears about the feelings I’m gonna get wearing them.

I prefer a quite conservative style. If I’m wearing a short skirt, I hide my upper body. If I’m wearing a revealing top, I’m balancing it out with baggy pants. I usually don’t show cleavage. I actually don’t usually wear short skirts either – I prefer a knee length.

I’d like to think it’s because I like that style and that feels good to me. But then again, I’m not sure if it’s because of my bad experiences and the body shaming. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t want to give any ideas – and writing that down is scary, but unfortunately true.

I have had to work a lot on my body confidence and body image. And it’s a work in progress. I have had to slowly learn how to walk head held high and not care what someone is thinking about me. But I do still find myself caring. I don’t take eye contact when I walk in public. I avoid eye contact with most people. I also think I might avoid men a little bit – just as an instinct. I don’t want anyone sitting next to me a little too close (has happened as well).

Photos by Mia / Beauty Highlights

The happy careless feeling

So these photos with tight clothes and a bit of cleavage mean a lot to me. That outfit means a lot to me. The happy careless feeling means the world. Why shouldn’t I sometimes wear tight clothes? Why shouldn’t my cleavage sometimes show a little? After all, my boobs are natural part of me just like my legs and arms. Spoiler alert – I have a body with all the parts that come with it.

I think time, a healthy relationship, therapy and healthy lifestyle are what have helped my body image the most. We always dread aging, but actually growing up has been the best thing for me. I feel like every year I learn more. Every year I get more confidence. And every year I realize more and more, that there is no time to be wasted on insecurities and anything else than that happy careless feeling.

Even though it’s not a long time since my last #metoo moment, I choose not to let it stop me and in the future the joy of dressing up (even to something tight) is something I’m holding onto.

I look forward to the day, where I’m free to be the woman I want to be. Where all the women and men can be whoever they want to be.

Outfit

Red body – Zara (similar here*, here*)
Bag – River island (here*)
Jeans – Cubus
Scrunchie – invisibobble
Boots – Timberland

*adlink

 

 

Skin update – after acne

skin update after acne

 

Right in the beginning I want to confess something. I postponed this post quite a bit. I was planning on doing it, but I kept putting it off and when I got a red pimple right on my chin, I thought: damn, now I have to wait until it’s healed.

But then I thought: no I don’t. It’s reality. It’s my actual skin situation at the moment. Pimples and what not. My blog has always been about skin positivity and embracing what you got. I’ve been sharing some horrible acne pictures here and telling you and myself: it’s okay. You’re still beautiful. Your skin doesn’t define you.

It’s funny how even after all these years of acne – or maybe because of them –  I am still insecure about my skin sometimes. So with this post I’m also reminding myself: having one pimple is not the end of the world. Besides, in comparison to what my skin has been at it’s worst, I’m super happy with my skin and I really appreciate it (and the pills that help).

 

hormonal acne birth control pills

acne a year apart

How I cured my acne – Birth control pills for acne

Diane Nova

My latest skin update was this post, when I had taken six months of birth control pills. When nothing else worked for my acne, I started those pills. The pills (Diane Nova or Cypretyl) worked very fast and well. I did not have any side effects either. Quite the opposite: my skin was beautiful, less oily and my period pains were nonexistent. After about a year my acne was completely gone (except a few deep spots on my chin that are so stubborn) and I switched my pills to Yasminelle, which are not as strong as Diane Nova pills are.

Yasminelle

I’ve now taken Yasminelle for a few months and while I have noticed a change in my skin, the condition of it is still pretty good. It’s not as good as with Diane Nova, but I expected that. I’ve had these pills before so I’m familiar with them and know that they do maintain my skin in a pretty good shape. They keep the acne at bay, so to speak. They also suit me well and help with the period pains. But one thing I do have to say, is that I do notice some mood swings and I think it’s because of my hormone levels changing quite a bit after first taking Diane Nova and then switching to milder pills.

Skin update: my skin at the moment

My skin is doing pretty good right now. I’ve noticed some texture and a few pimples, but I’m trying not to worry about it. Easier said than done! Those few deep spots on my jaw for example are so annoying. They are in a difficult spot and I can’t really do anything to them myself. I’m actually thinking of going to a beauty therapist to take care of them. But we’ll see. I also get pimples on my decollete and back, but so far it’s very minimal.

I knew to expect some change in my skin after switching up the pills. Because, sadly, I’ve already gone through the process once. When I was a teen I started Diane Nova pills and ate them for five or so years and then switched to Yasminelle.

Right now I’m trying to keep my routine gentle and I’ve found that good hydration is key to a healthy skin. It’s a bit too easy to fall far that heavy cleansing and exfoliating when suffering from skin problems or changes, so I’m trying to steer clear from all of that. After all, my skin can be a bit sensitive and it’s no wonder, after all the heavy medications it has gone through.

I still have acne scarring on my jaw, but it’s not that visible or as bad as I expected it to be. I’ve found that the best things for acne scars are Drops Of Youth Serum, argan oil and protecting the skin from the sun. More on all of those below, on my blog posts.

skin positivity after acne

My routine / product recommendations 

A serum that actually makes a difference (The Body Shop Drops of Youth Serum)
This is my favorite serum – because it works.

How to tackle dry skin in 3 steps
I recently shared my routine in the post linked above. I also talked more about hydration and moisturizing – there’s an important difference.

2 x mask that does it all
I also do a mask once per week. I’ve found that chemical exfoliation is the best for my skin – it’s effective but gentle. I especially love that Radiant Glow mask.

Best natural sunscreens
Madara’s sunscreen also gives a nice glow to the skin!

best evolve beauty products