It’s finally December and as always, it feels both wonderful and a bit stressful. I love waking up, switching on all the Christmas lights and opening my Christmas calendar (I get both chocolate and makeup). Then again, I know in just a blink of an eye it’s Christmas Eve already and I’m sad for the holidays (and this year) to end.
For the longest of time, I’ve wanted to come here and write. Something. And now, maybe also to share big news. But juggling it all has proved to be more difficult than I thought. I’m sad that I haven’t been as active on this blog as I would have liked. Then again, the baby year (well, 10 months, 2 still left) has been intense. My time and energy has gone to the family life, keeping our home clean and myself fit. I’ve also tried to make time for friends and for myself. I’ve prioritized doing nice things with Eva, exercising and resting. And trying to enjoy this special time, without worrying about work. Because once again, no ne else expects me to do it all, except myself.
And this has felt like the right decision. Pregnancy was so weird body-wise, that I really appreciate having the ability to move again and to feel like myself. And the baby time goes by so fast. Seriously. I shouldn’t be in a hurry.
I’ve tried to compensate the lack of posts by updating my Instagram, but it’s not quite the same. There have been ideas, feelings and thoughts I’ve wanted to share, but rarely had the time or energy. Luckily you can always write about stuff afterwards.
As prepared as I was, you can’t really prepare for motherhood. How wonderful, challenging and most of all – natural – it feels to be a mom. Getting to watch Eva smile, grow, sleep and become her own person is magical. She shines and it makes me shine. Sometimes I feel like my heart is gonna burst and I feel so lucky. Like if nothing else existed, but her, it would be enough. Like I don’t even want to blink watching her, in case I would miss a moment.
Yet another moment I would just like to be alone. Just Charlotta. I have grown and struggled a lot during this year. How many crisis I’ve had and some are probably still ongoing. How many times I’ve dreamed of having my own apartment, just containing one bed, where I would sleep from 9 till 9. But then came sleep training and now I’m sleeping fine. And I’m not moving.
But we are. And that’s the big news! I have pretty much lived my whole life in Helsinki, but now we are moving to Vantaa. We are moving into a new house, next to a forest. I’m gonna need a car a lot more than here, but hey, what better way to make me an awesome driver. I did say, in this interview I still can’t believe happened, that our plan was to move a bit farther away from the city. Eva gets her own room. We get more space. We get a sauna. And the house is beautiful.
We even get a fireplace, which I can’t wait to stare at, while holding a cup of coffee in my hand.
Changes are difficult to me. A fact, that Risto likes to remind me. Apparently I cried quite a bit before moving to this apartment. And it’s my dream apartment, one where I’ve really really loved living. So I’m reminding myself that moving is stressful, but it’s gonna be fine. There’s a picture on our wall that says “home is whenever I’m with you”. And that’s true. It’s gonna be different, but I will get used to it. And I’m excited too.
So this month will be a busy one, trying to go through our stuff, pack and plan. While obviously being with Eva, see some friends every once in a while and hopefully have time to just lay under a blanket and watch Christmas movies. That last one is super important.
Come to think of it, it actually sounds nice. I’m someone who likes being active and doing stuff. Even more so, now that I’m a mom. The productivity at home is really something. Maybe at some point I can try opening this laptop more often too.
For the next year, I’m planning to return to work part-time. I miss doing this.
New beginning are always good. I’m feeling hopeful.
How does your December look like?