Here’s the truth: I have bad skin. I have acne. Again, or still, however you want to phrase it.
My skin and my acne has gone up and down for the past year. I’s been really bad and then it’s been not-so-bad. Never has it been good though. Only my reaction to it has varied during this year.
Seeing my photos you might think: her skin is good. It’s not so bad. But it’s not really. Putting on a certain foundation my skin looks almost flawless – especially in photos since the foundation might reflect light or otherwise smooth my skin to look pretty. Taking photos in a good light might again smooth my skin – or taking photos with a flash which – ironically – takes away the pimples in a flash. Another thing is that when I take a selfie face straight to the camera – the worst part of my skin is hidden. My jaw and my cheeks kinda disappear and the focus is on the center of my face.
Then there’s the editing. I don’t edit my photos much, but when I do it’s because I don’t like the acne taking away the focus from the makeup. Also – those pimples is not me, not really – so why would I want to show them to the world? Or is it a part of me I should just accept?
That’s the funny thing about acne – it doesn’t really feel like your skin, like your face. And it isn’t, not really. The real skin, the real you is underneath all that, getting blocked by those painful, awful spots that some days feel like the worst thing in the world and sometimes they’re invisible to the eye.
Do you know what’s the only medicine to treating acne and is also the most challenging thing there is? It’s time. Every treatment takes time – be it 10 facials, a new skincare regime or a drug. I’ve given my skin that, time. I’ve given it a year and I’m back at the square one. I promised myself I could get my skin better by just taking care of it and that I wouldn’t need any drugs. I got frustrated, so I tried the Acnatac -gel, which I wouldn’t have wanted to use (because the side effects). It did help – at the time it felt like a lot – but now when I look back I think it only helped a little. It didn’t take my acne completely away and slowly my skin started to get worse again.
Blogtexts about Acnatac -gel.
4.10.16. After Acnatac. The biggest inflamed spots were gone but my skin was still full of small pimples and it slowly began to get worse from this.
17.2.17. The day I started to take Apocyclin. My skin reacted to travelling and I had a lot of red sore pimples.
23.2.17. My skin yesterday. I’m wearing a light layer of makeup.
24.2.17. My skin today without makeup.
When my doctor prescribed me Acnatac she also gave me antibiotics in case the gel didn’t work. I didn’t purchase them until now – almost a year later. I’m not sure why I waited so long to start considering them as a treatment – I’m not against drugs, but I guess I just wanted my skin to heal ‘naturally’ -whatever that means. In a way I felt like buying those drugs was a loss. Admitting to the problem isn’t always easy, is it?
My drugs are ‘Apocyclin’, antibiotics which I should take for about 3-4 months (See again: time). It’s only been week since I started taking them so there’s no progress yet. I’m prepared to not seeing progress for at least a month. Also – I’m prepared to see my skin getting worse before getting better because that usually happens with these kind of medicine. (See how I say I’m prepared? I can’t say I really am. I’m pretty sure the reality will be me crying my eyes out seeing my skin getting worse than it already is.)
My attitude towards acne medication is a bit negative and that is because I’ve already tried it. Twice, if I recall right. When my acne first broke out at the age of 13 I ate two rounds of some kind of pills. They helped a little at the time but not really. I only got my acne away with birth control pills. But – I don’t really remember what the drugs were and I think these are a different kind. I hope.
Negativity doesn’t really help with this kind of problem so I’m trying hard to stay positive and hopeful. Maybe this time the medicine will work – I’m not 13 anymore and my hormone levels and everything must be different than then. Maybe I’ll finally get my skin back to the condition it deserves.
I think I will blog about my experience and share as much as I can about this journey. I know many struggle with the same problem so I want to help in any way I can.
If you read this because you have acne, here is a checklist for you and for me. Just so that we don’t forget:
- You are beautiful. Never let yourself believe anything else.
- You are strong. This stupid problem is only outside and it will never get to the inside of your beautiful heart and soul. Don’t let it in.
- You are not alone. There are so many people fighting acne it’s ridiculous. And there are tons of people who have succeeded to get rid of acne. And so will you.
- You will get the beautiful skin you deserve. It will happen. I can’t promise it will happen tomorrow, but it will, some day. It’s gonna be okay.
All of the photos of this post are non-edited.