.. But I’m just as good.

Photos Inka Lähteenaro

I wrote about giving up on birth control pills earlier. Now I’m back on the subject and what I’ve noticed after not taking excess hormones. I mentioned the pms then and I’m afraid that’s still an issue. I’m quite shocked of how long it can take for me to get normal again. I’m also shocked to see how sad or depressed I can feel all of a sudden now. Well at least I know it will pass and I’m just fighting the hormones to take off.

I have noticed two big  differences after stopping and they’re quite horrible both. My hair gets greasy and so does my face. Even if I wash my hair in the morning, it’s already somewhat greasy in the day. Still my scalp feels dry and itchy. Like what?! I don’t know what to do, really. I’ve tried coconut oil and not using as much dry shampoo.

My face has gone worse and worse very quickly. Actually you could talk about acne when it comes to my cheeks. You never realize how good your skin was until you get acne. I used to have smooth cheeks and now they’re covered in spots. My decollete and neck and back also gets acne. I promised to be prepared for this when I quit the birth control pills but I wasn’t. How could I prepare for this? I feel like I’m back at high school with my acne and low self esteem. Then again I can deal with this better than I could at the age of fourteen. Still it’s sad to look in the mirror and see your face and not recognise it as your own. I can’t hide from it. Makeup doesn’t apply as smoothly as before, makeup powders don’t cover enough and powders don’t last on me. I’m terrified of taking “today’s makeup” photos.

Writing this down and accepting that I’m not perfect isn’t easy. But maybe this is the first step. I’m gonna with this and get rid of it. But now I’m not gonna take the fast train – pills – but I will try organic cosmetics first instead.

I feel inspired by Em Ford who has made this beautiful short film about acne and how it affects you. I love those last sentences: “You are beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Not even yourself.”

My Pale Skin on Youtube & blog.