.. even for just a little bit.
I want to get back to the subject I wrote about recently, when I shared my story about severe depression (here). I’m not sure what I expected out of the post, but I’m beyond happy, that you took it so well. Apparently many people out there feel like it’s a good thing to talk about it. I think so too.
Depression is something I went through about five years ago. It feels like it was a hundred years ago – or happened in another life. I know some people think depression is chronical, but I think it’s also something that can be cured.
So why am I just now talking about it?
I think I needed those years to pass, before I wanted to think about the whole subject again. I couldn’t have written about it before – I wouldn’t have had the strength to or the right words. I still struggle with words, though. The topic is so fragile, I’m afraid I’m gonna break it. We all experience depression or anxiety differently. We all experience mental health differently. But what’s in common with all of us – is that we all do have mental health.
Nowadays I consider myself to be “depression free” (I don’t have any medications anymore, not for a few years now – and there’s not ‘depression’ on my health records anymore), but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes struggle. We all struggle. If you break your leg once, it’s gonna be a little fragile for a while – and easier to break the next time, right? I’m forever carrying the painful memories and every once in a while I feel like I have to look back, just to remember that I’m on the right path and things could be so much worse.
In my blog I talk about superficial things. I share my makeup looks, my outfits. I travel and talk about the good little things. I spread positivity. But I want you to know where I come from – I didn’t just get to where I am by walking on sunshine.
I want to keep talking about mental health every once in a while here. I want to conveniently – or not so conveniently – pair it with makeup posts and the beautiful products I love. I want to do style posts and share my outfit photos – because I don’t have to hide myself anymore and the smile you see in the photos is real. I want to tell stories about all the countries I’ve visited – because I never knew I was gonna be able to see them. I want to write, because it’s one of the gifts I have.
I am so thankful for the life I’m living right now. I love my life. I no longer wake up in the morning and instantly want to get back to sleep – I want to get up and be there for myself and others. And even though I’m in a good place right now with my life, I still understand you. And I encourage you. You can do it too – I believe there is hope for everyone.
It doesn’t matter where you are now.
You may be curled up in your bed with all the curtains closed. You may be in a hospital staring at the blank walls and your quiet roomies. You may be broke. You may be broken. You may be holding your breath with nothing, but yesterday in your hands.
And the worst of all: you may be alone. You may be the most alone you’ve ever been, doubting your existence.
There might be a whole continent between us, but know this:
I understand you.
And one day, be it five years or ten years from now, you’ll understand too.
The pictures are from Dresden, Germany from July. We did a quick visit to the city and in that time we got to see beautiful buildings, eat delicious burgers, see a festival (and sing along to some familiar songs) and drive 200 km/h on a freeway. The makeup photo is from a video tutorial, which can be found here.