Do people still read poems?
I’ve always loved them. Whatever happening in my life, I’m used to pouring my deepest thoughts and feelings into them. Loving the freedom of not having any rules, not needing the dots, perfect sentences or big initial letters. I started writing poems when I was 8 or 9. One secret dream of mine has always been to publish a poetry book. So why not start by publishing them here first.
Most of the poems are translated from Finnish, so I tried my best to portray them in another language. Hopefully I did okay.
Poems by me
Bathwater from tears
One day I’ll build a beautiful paradise
from palm trees and beaches
There my nails are the same shade of blue
as the dark blue sky
and my eyes are programmed
to spot just the most exquisite stars up there
When I walk all I see is my destination
When I sit all I think is getting up
but
when I fell I guess I didn’t see right in front of me
As I’m laying on the cliff my hair is my quilt
even though my face has nothing to hide anymore
except the white canvas and purple curtains
I rise up as the sun rises, and in the evening
I tiptoe my way into the bathroom carefully without waking anybody
bathwater from tears
***
And I got the stars
I’m tired
and it’s the kind that doesn’t go away with sleep
I’m worn out and used
Nothing like the flock of birds flying in unison, probably just for fun
Nothing like the waves singing their lullaby,
they’re all just one ocean,
calm or storm
And being only twenty-six that should say something
I’m tired, because I said no
And all you heard was
.
I’m angry, because I always had to wear the big shoes, adult size
Never got new ones with pink sparkly butterflies on top
it’s no wonder I painted my walls with them when I moved out at 17
I’m exhausted and broken
I didn’t get to live in a happy home,
both parents and a healthy ego, ready to conquer the world
We tried to make it happy
and needless to say we didn’t always quite succeed
I’m tired,
As I have been so many times before
I don’t blame myself for wanting to throw me away
And I’m living this new life,
life that I got for myself
After deciding I would make it
Only I’m now realizing it’s just the same, just a longer story
I’m passed out
Drunk and hopeless
But all you heard was
.
“You’re always tired”, my friend said
“Yes I am”, her mother answered
“And it doesn’t go away with sleep”, my friend continued
“Oh no it doesn’t”, her mother concluded
And in that moment I realized I was tired too
and I didn’t even have the age or the title to back it up
I didn’t have the grandma, aunt or an uncle
Not even the teachers, it seems
I got the invisibility cloak
I got the pen and paper
And I got the stars
I’m tired,
not because of something that happened
Because of all of it
and one in five
I don’t blame myself for wanting to throw me away
I got the words to make difficult sentences,
I got some shame that I’m trying to throw out the window
I got the warm breeze,
with the promise of a good opportunity that must come my way
I got the time,
I got love
I’m tired,
and it’s the kind that goes away with compassion
And being on my third cup of coffee my brain should know
Taking each day and struggle as it comes,
trying not to count how many or how often
So hear me out:
I didn’t come this far
As a victim,
but as a victor
“It’s only sad if you think it’s sad”, my friend thought
And even though I can’t help, but think it’s heartbreakingly sad,
I’m waiting for tomorrow
Because when I’m not tired,
I get to decide what happens
And how everything feels
New, old, or something in between
Calm or storm
**
You’re not as weak as you think
You’re not as weak as you think
You’re not that fragile and shy
If a wind should blow through you
it could only
make you shiver
a bit
You’re not as weak
You are with the brave and the beautiful
You are with the stars and
If a rain should pour on you
you should make a dance
Shouldn’t you?
I know you want to
’cause if a wind could throw you off
You wouldn’t still stand so tall
You’re not as weak as you think
You’re not broken or bad
You are the masterpiece
You are the sunshine in the middle of the night
This you already know:
not as weak as you think
**
That day I found a shell on the beach
That day burned into my brain,
Like the blink of an eye
Like forever
that would change everything
I remember a friendly face and the words,
that didn’t fit the smile
That didn’t fit the situation
I had not ordered those words
Don’t you worry,
she said
Even though I had sorrow and fear
Anxiety in my chest and a screaming need
How to know,
which stone does not teeter?
They all look the same I guess,
like they’re rooted to the ground
Just one wobbles underneath your sandal
I remember your eyes
and I try to remember the most important thing
I know you’ll answer –
only by bravely trying
Don’t you worry, I say to myself
I assure and picture a new beautiful scene,
just like I’ve always wanted
That day they cut away lupines from the field,
but I stayed
I stayed even though I had not signed up for this burden either
Somewhere deep inside hope made room,
sighed,
and whispered:
Don’t you worry
**
The makeup products used in this look can be found on this post. Lipstick is EGLIPS Cream Lipstick 10.