You are brave

brave

”You are so brave for talking about this.”
“It’s brave of you to share this, thank you.”

Those are the kind of comments I get on some of my posts – mostly to the personal ones. Like when I opened up about my depression, or when I shared unedited photos of my acne. Or when I wore my acne anti-coverage makeup. Or just for even sharing my life with thousands of readers from all over the globe.

But here’s what I think:

Brave? Me?

you are brave

Maybe, but there are tons of people out there, who are actually, really, being so brave. People fighting cancer. People losing their loved ones. People having their life stomped to the ground and still walking their head held high. People being so depressed, that there’s no difference between night or day, sleep or conscious.

I am just sharing my life. It’s really no different from anyone else’s. I smile, I cry, I laugh and sometimes I fall. Just like you do. I don’t consider myself brave in the way you might think. I mean, it’s not about who is saying what – who has the guts to write something on the internet. It’s just as wise not to say anything, not to write anything or even not to spend any time on the internet.

I guess what I’m saying is, is that there are worse things, that surviving something horrible. There are worse things, that having some pain. There are not so nice things in the world. We all experience them. So what I’m really trying to say is, that you’re not really that different from me and it’s just life.

We all know there’s no such thing as perfect – maybe it’s time to stop acting like it? Maybe this blog is my way of saying, that you are beautiful, even though your road is bumpy and you don’t always smile to your salad.

Life is a beautiful mess. But then you get to go home after a horrible day, hug your loved ones and eat chocolate on the sofa and kick your socks to the floor. A moment, where no one has to clean up or save the world.

We are all brave in our own ways.

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photos Inka Lähteenaro

Mostly yellow days

If I had to draw my feelings and moods everyday, there would be a lot of colors.  I like drawing, but I loose my focus easily, when I’m not interested enough about the subject. Such as, drawing. So my drawings are quick and childish. Lines and circles, abstract things and usually there is a heart of two.

I still color everyday. I see colors, pick them up and and create pictures of them. I favor some colors and some colors I would like to remove from my palette.

The enemy color for me is black. Usually in drawings it’s just messy lines and circles. Black doesn’t really leave space to other colors and it’s usually accompanied by greys and browns. I have a whole collection of black drawings in my closet. There was a black time, where all I could draw was what I felt.

But when you make drawings, it’s easy to see progress. And when you draw enough, you’ll grow tired of the constant black and white.

Slowly there started to appear some spots of color in between the black lines. I could see purple, blue, green and yellow. Color is hard to contain – it spreads so easily around, once you let it loose from the jar. Do just that. Let it flow.

When I go through my paintings now, there is rarely any black in there. It’s only there when it’s accompanied by other colors.

And what’s the coolest thing here, really…

is that now it’s mostly yellow days.

charlotta eve blog

~

Here’s one text from my archives. I like to write these things ever once in a while, mostly for myself. Though I like to share them too. Maybe someone gets it? I doubt I would have written anything clearer today – the weirdest flu has been weighing me down ever since Friday. I feel dizzy, my head hurts and getting out of bed requires Thor’s superpowers. So I’m staying in bed, keeping myself hydrated and entertained by Skam, a Norwegian tv series. Hopefully not for too long.

photos Inka Lähteenaro