3 months with a baby

Three months with a baby have gone incredibly fast. Then again, life now has a new rhythm that seems to have been going on for forever. Also, I now think of months differently. They used to last for thirty long days, now they’re a blink of an eye.

3 months with a baby

I’m pretty sure I’m living the best time of my life. And that’s always a scary thing to say out loud (what if someone comes and takes it away?). I’m really happy. I get these waves of happiness where I feel like my heart is gonna explode. It’s spring, the nature is waking up and I get to experience that with my baby. It’s almost as if seeing the beauty of trees getting their leaves for the first time ever.

 

I know all parents probably feel like this about their kids, but I feel like I won the lottery with Eva. How amazing, funny, cute and full of personality she already is. Most of the time she is happy and content. She doesn’t mind diaper change or getting dressed. If she wakes up crying, she settles pretty much as soon as you take her to your arms. She likes to play by herself – or just sit on your lap and watch you (this has allowed us to watch our favorite tv-show and eat while she chills on our lap).

Not always does she wake up happy (but even then she manages to be very cute).

But sure, there have been times where she has cried really loud and we’ve felt hopeless, not knowing how to calm her down. Evenings seem to be the most difficult time for her – and for me. As lovely as the days are, I’m always really tired in the evening. 100% ready for bed way earlier than Eva is. We’re very familiar with the term witching hour. Luckily now we’re more used to her being a bit restless in the evening and we know ways to work around that. Also her getting a lot of sleep during the day help.

Eva is sleeping pretty much 5 hours + 3 hours (now it’s changed into 7,5-8 hours without a nightly wakeup!), so we get enough of sleep. I take care of the nightly wake up (if there is one) and Risto takes care of the morning. He gets up with Eva at 5- 6 and I get to sleep a few more hours. This routine works perfectly for us. I get my much needed sleep and they get their special father-daughter time.

Sidenote: something that helps in the night a lot, is Sleepytroll. Eva sleeps in the stroller with that in sensor mode. Without that she would wake up earlier and it’s especially helpful in the early morning hours (4-6) where Eva’s sleep is more restless. It starts to shake the stroller for 3 minutes if she makes noise and moves.

Our weekly life

Going to a lunch with mom friends.

I’ve been more active and social, now that I have a baby. It’s a bit unexpected, but I love it. I think that if I just stayed at home I would be less functioning. Seeing other mom friends and working out for example are super important for my wellbeing. It also feels important to show Eva different places and have her get used to the noise in a restaurant for example.

I’m also thinking that this time will go by quickly – me not working full-time and focusing on my job as a mom. I want to enjoy it!

We have gone to BabyPilates and it’s been nice (and good for my core). Eva has either slept through it, or liked to just watch me. I have also been able to work out outside, having Eva sleep on the stroller. Eva is pretty easy to travel with. It’s only that sometimes she wakes up and wants to be hold, not be alone in the carrycot.

1. Latte mama. 2. Second hand dress find! 3. Matching with a baby.

About breastfeeding

Breastfeeding has been pretty easy for us. Eva has got a good grip right from the start and I’m producing milk more than she can eat. I mean sure, in the beginning we had to practice to find good positions, but now we got it. The only difficult thing about breastfeeding is how much time and patience it takes. She has these periods, where she’s constantly on the breast, eating every hour. It can be tiring, having her be literally on me, the whole day (or so it feels). There’s also the downside that she doesn’t really like the bottle. We’ve really had to practice that. And even now it seems to work best if I’m gone and Risto gives her the milk before she realizes she’s really hungry.

It’s also weird still having a body part that is not mine, in a way. I do look forward to having my boobs be just boobs, not food that I don’t mind other people seeing (I don’t mind breastfeeding in public).

Life keeps getting better

All in all, life with a baby is easier than I thought. Or maybe I’ve already forgot how tiring it was at first. Or I had these fears of me getting depressed again because of the baby blues (luckily it passed and was just that). Someone once compared having a baby to moving. It’s a big change, but quickly you get used to it and just get back to your routines. Sure, having a baby is a way bigger change than moving, but in a way it’s similar. Having Eva be a part of our life feels really natural.

And yes, also exhausting at times. I don’t want to act like I don’t have negative emotions or that everything always goes smoothly. For example when we did a little trip to a cottage and slept somewhere else than home, the nights were a disaster. We woke up every 1-2 hours. My humor was dark then, I’ll just say that.

 

But at the same time everything really is better than I could have hoped for. I’m enjoying our little routines as much as I can, trying not to stress about doing other things, such as work or cleaning our home. I mean I love that I have the energy to do it “all”, but I also need days where I just nap with the baby and smile (or cry at times) with her all day long.

 

My brother said that having a kid, it just keeps getting better. I love the thought of that. Things become easier as Eva grows. We’re constantly learning more about our daughter and she learns more about us. And actually, reading my first baby post, I realize already it is so much better now (and I have forgotten some things from the start).

I love being a mama. I have always (except when I was deeply depressed) found life to be really meaningful. But it feels even more meaningful now. After some difficult years and everything I’ve gone through in my childhood, I feel like I’m winning on something. And I know, life is not a competition, but one does need wins every once in a while.

I’m really thankful for these three months full of dirty diapers, new feelings, the cutest clothes of all time, great teamwork, some early mornings and late nights. Turns out life with a baby is not just about being tired all the time or not having time for anything. Life is nice.

 

Greetings from the baby bubble & baby blues

I’m staring out the window and it’s snowing. Big, huge chunks of snowflakes are falling right towards our window. It’s almost like it’s snowing inside. Mesmerizing.

I realize I’m enjoying the moment and seeing the beauty of it. You see, these past two weeks have been quite tough and tiring – while also being lovely and amazing. I have probably felt all the feelings you can feel. Baby blues sounds like something you can just brush off, but the reality of it is that you need to cry cry cry it off. And talk about it.

One of my friends said there are really no words to describe it. I think I agree. It’s both a physical and mental tornado that only goes away with time.

I’m just in the beginning and I’m trying to remind myself of that. I don’t yet have to have it all together. I have just carried our baby for nine months, given birth and being cut open. Just my body alone has gone through a lot. The first days I couldn’t get up from bed without help, let alone walk. (No wonder I didn’t always have the energy to respond to messages, people asking me how I was. I was so happy of the baby, yet physically really broken and mentally exhausted.) At the end of the first week I could, with a bit of trouble, get up from bed by myself. Now after 2,5 weeks I can move normally, but I still can’t sit on chairs or be on my feet for long. Oh how wonderful it would be to go on long walks or just be able to walk around the house doing house chores all day long. But I still ache and need a lot of rest.

Recovery takes time and patience. More than I could have anticipated.

Every day is different with a baby. There are bad nights and good nights. There are frustrating days and easy days.

Today so far feels like a good day. It’s Friday, I have slept at least eight hours and our baby is happily on my lap, enjoying the contents of Charlotta milk bar. Right now the intensity of having a newborn doesn’t feel so scary. Oh what wonderful adventures life has in store for us. We haven’t even yet seen her first real smile – or heard her voice. There’s so much to look forward to.

This new situation, our baby, she, is nothing like I expected. Except the cutest thing ever – that I anticipated. She came with a bang and she has slowly started to grasp her little fingers around my heart tighter and tighter. She makes me feel warm emotions I don’t yet have words for. Complex, yet the most natural feelings in the world, coming from someplace I didn’t always have.

All I know is that feeling her skin against my skin and smelling her scent is the best thing in the world. And I would do anything for her.

She looks like an angel when she sleeps. She calms down in daddy’s lap. She likes warm water and she doesn’t like sleeping in her crib at daytime (luckily nights work). She is a piece of art, perfect. I still can’t believe I got to carry her in my belly and that I got to give birth to her.

I longed for this for so long, mourning infertility.
But luckily I didn’t know just how much I missed.

Day by day things start to fall into their place. Each week I grow into my role a bit more. We start to have some routine. I’m becoming braver.

So all in all, this baby bubble is pretty special. There are difficult moments and feelings (and they’re perfectly normal!) but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Time has stopped. Or has it just begun?

 

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